we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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