best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
