I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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