I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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