obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
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