Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
