arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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