Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
