she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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