I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
