it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
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