She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
