Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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