He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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