So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
