i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
