Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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