you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I have feelings that need drinking.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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