I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
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