Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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