You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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