How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
