come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
