no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
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