OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
