I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Randomize
