On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
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