I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
