the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Randomize
