Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Randomize
