He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Randomize
