Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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