yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
