I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
