He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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