I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
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I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
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My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.