oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
