I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
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