Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
