It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Randomize
