I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
