I'm jealous of your bromance
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
