Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
