Even the bartender felt bad for me
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
