Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
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