The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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