i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
i think my mom watched the whole time
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
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