It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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