I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
