Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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