you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
