3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
