Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
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