My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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