I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
