We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Randomize
