I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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