I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
