Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
