it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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