Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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