My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
