i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
