Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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