if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Randomize