She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
