Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Randomize
