i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Randomize
