Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
