i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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