ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
