i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
