His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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