So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I touched a dick in church today
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
