the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
